dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
