I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Drunk is a universal language darling
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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