tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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