if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
