Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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