Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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