when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize