And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
