Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
