So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
if only i could text you this smell
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
