im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
