sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
