let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
