she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
