if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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