I'm so fucking centered right now
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
