Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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