Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
not ubering you a puppy
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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