"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
