I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
God, I missed his penis.
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