i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
