The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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