So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
where are my eyebrows?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
