They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just want to make out with him forever
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
