shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
