At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
