remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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