Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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