come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
