i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
