I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
