Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
