The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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