You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
