it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
