I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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