East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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