and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
