I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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