she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
