If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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