You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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