Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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