Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
