I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
