Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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