I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
