i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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