Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
