dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
