im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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