i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
