I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
